Post-Relics of the Republic

[notallofus]

It's good to be home again, and, oddly enough, on the newly-repurposed Phoenix Home, too. Kanan feels less exposed, which he wasn't expecting. But support, back-up, and more people on the lookout for important resources means somewhat less scrambling, and the odds can be stacked a little higher before doom is a foregone conclusion.

He guesses, anyway. But --

But he also feels sick to his stomach. There are clones on board, and although they're older than the ones he saw last -- Grey and Styles, Soot and Big-Mouth -- but maybe that's what his soldiers -- his friends would have grown into, if they'd been given the chance. If they hadn't betrayed -- no, they'd been betrayed, no matter how it looked from the outside. If Rex is right . . .

It's so hard to hold onto that, though. Harder than he wants it to be. They're good men, Rex and Wolfe and Gregor, but they've got the faces of his nightmares, and that's . . .

Maybe if he gets out of his own head a little, maybe . . . maybe that'll make this better. Somehow. Which is why he pulls himself away from the mess and goes looking for Hera. She'll be on the Ghost, he knows, and --

And that's probably better for him, too. More hands always help turn a slapdash field repair into something that'll last.

Comments

[for_everyone]

Hera is, in fact, on the Ghost. The repairs had been enough to get them out of the Seelos system, but if they don't want to be caught stranded again, they'll need to do more than a few hasty fixes. With most of the crew in their cabins or on Phoenix Home, she has stripped up some of the flooring, hunching over or climbing down among the ship's innerworkings and documenting what needs to be repaired - and what needs to be replaced.

Each part that she add makes Hera wince. What supplies they have are only growing fewer.

Chopper, much to his chagrin, has been drafted into this, and when Kanan comes upon them it will likely be to find Chopper blatting over an opened piece of the flooring, Hera's lekku just visible from where she has climbed down inside it.

[notallofus]

"That seems a little harsh, Chop," Kanan says, as he takes in the scene.

There's a forced lightness to his voice, but -- anything else seems unfair, really.

"Do you want to trade off duties? I can lend a hand here, for a while, if that'd be helpful. Hera?"

Because he's not going to take Chopper's opinion on much of anything, especially in the wake of all the chaos. (Or ever, really. Except when it counts.)

[for_everyone]

But before Hera can answer, Chopper slaps a wrench in Kanan's hand and speeds away, faster than likely Hera or Kanan have seen him move in months. Hera turns, lifting herself up to rest her elbows on the floor panel, near Kanan's feet, watching the droid's escape with tired resignation.

"That's about right," is all she says.

[notallofus]

"The commentary?" Kanan asks, crouching down to peer into the darkness.

"Or the speed of his retreat?"

[for_everyone]

"Both?" she says, looking up to Kanan.

"I'm sure he was looking for any excuse to get away from me, after the day we had."

[notallofus]

Kanan winces, not at all theatrically.

"Yeah, that's . . . maybe his definition of 'importance' needs a programming tweak?"

Because. Not fixing the hyperdrive completely shouldn't ever be an option.

[for_everyone]

"Maybe he needs a programming tweak."

But Hera just sighs, as she looks back down among the tangles of piping and wires and other machinery she has squeezed herself between. "But I think he's done most of the repairs we can for now. What we really need are some replacement parts."

Or really, to afford those replacement parts.

[notallofus]

Kanan sighs, too, and drops to sit by Hera, legs semi-dangling into the floor -- though he's careful to avoid exposed wires and piping. No sense setting up more work for her to do.

"Yeah. That's gonna be a problem, huh. Even if we can get 'em off Phoenix, someone else isn't going to be able to use 'em. And I'm not all that sure we can get them from Phoenix, after . . . "

He trails off for a minute, scrubbing his hands through his hair.

"You think the . . . the clones might have an idea where we can find good used parts in this sector?"

It's going to be a long time before he'll be able to stop thinking of them like that. It's not a good feeling, admitting that, but it's the truth.

[for_everyone]

Her attention snaps up to Kanan again, though she glances away before she answers.

"If the Empire really doesn't know about some of the old Republic bases and supply stations..."

Her eyes turn back to him, wondering how much he wants to hear. "... it could really help us out."

[notallofus]

"I know," Kanan says quietly, squeezing his eyes shut like that will make all this go away. And then, louder and more harshly. "I know. We need to make use of it, and of them, and they'll be an asset, they're good men, I just -- "

He breathes out, looking down at his own hands where they're clenched on his thighs.

"If they didn't all have the same face as my f -- "

Dully --

"Sorry. I shouldn't -- "

[for_everyone]

Hera listens, and waits, until she's sure he won't continue.

Then, she holds out her hand toward him.

"Help me out?"

[notallofus]

Kanan winces, though he does scramble back to his feet before reaching down to help Hera haul herself up out of the floor.

"Uh. You don't need to -- I can help, I mean, not that there's, I know we need supplies . . . "

Then he shuts up.

"Right."

At least he doesn't apologize again.

[for_everyone]

"I should run a diagnostic," Hera says, again waiting until Kanan - well, stops babbling.

"But I can do that from up here."

[notallofus]

"Should I . . . uh. Follow you?"

Awkwardly around the cabin, while she initiates the diagnostics?

[for_everyone]

"Maybe put the floor panel back on?" she suggests. "This'll just take a second."

To start the diagnostics, anyway.

[notallofus]

"Right!"

I can do that, Kanan thinks, but works hard not to say out loud.

And then he hefts the floor panel back into position, steadying it with a minor application of the Force, just so he doesn't close his fingertips in. They don't exactly have bacta to spare right now, either.

He stands back up immediately afterward, stretching out his back. It passes the time, and is less awkward that just standing there like a lump.

Marginally.

[for_everyone]

Hera, meanwhile, walks over to the nearby port to set in the diagnostic. Chopper could do this faster, but it doesn't take Hera that much longer to set in the tests she wants to run. Enough to confirm her own conclusion that the repairs they've made will hold long enough for them to get - some replacement parts, anyway.

Then, she walks back over to Kanan.

"I have to stay here until the tests are done."

She doubts she has to add, Why don't you wait with me.

[notallofus]

"I'll keep you company," he says, then tries to make sure he's leaning against an out-of-the-way wall. Well, away from any displays and useful blinking lights, that is.

"So. Uh. You doing all right? It was . . . a busy day."

Understatement. But that's true for a lot of days, lately.

[for_everyone]

Hera steps up next to him, also leaning against the wall, her lekku swaying in front of her.

"I guess we should've figured this, from what Ahsoka said."

[notallofus]

Kanan folds his arms in front of him, tilting his head back to look up toward the ceiling.

"I guess I was hoping it wasn't, at least up until we got on the planet. Then it was . . . kind of inevitable."

Before that, too, if he's honest, but.

[for_everyone]

"I don't know what to tell you, Kanan."

Hera folds her arms. "I can't imagine what it would be like to see the faces of people who hurt you, and everyone close to you, and have to tell yourself it wasn't them. But -"

Well. It wasn't them.

[notallofus]

"It's driving me crazy. Because like I said, they're good men, and I know that, I saw that, and at the same time, when I see them move out of the corner of my eye, or hear them talking, I'm right back there again, when I was . . . "

He trails off, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"Pushing it down again isn't going to help in the long run, but in the short run I . . . I don't know what to do."

[for_everyone]

"I didn't want to put you back there."

Hera takes a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes as she considers what she's about to say. "But I can't imagine what this must be like for them, either."

[notallofus]

"An echo, probably," Kanan says, rubbing at his face again. "Maybe even a good one, at first."

He looks up at Hera, shaking his head.

"They called me General. They seemed happy to do it. But now that the adrenaline's gone and the battle's over . . . yeah. I don't know how they are."

[for_everyone]

Hera keeps her eyes down, silent for a long moment as she thinks over his words.

"After the war, my father - we would've been crushed without the Republic, but he'd known even then they might come to occupy us instead. He never forgot that."

Her voice goes a little quieter. "He'd hated the idea of the clones. He couldn't understand who would manufacture soldiers, rather than fighting for themselves."