Post-Relics of the Republic

[notallofus]

It's good to be home again, and, oddly enough, on the newly-repurposed Phoenix Home, too. Kanan feels less exposed, which he wasn't expecting. But support, back-up, and more people on the lookout for important resources means somewhat less scrambling, and the odds can be stacked a little higher before doom is a foregone conclusion.

He guesses, anyway. But --

But he also feels sick to his stomach. There are clones on board, and although they're older than the ones he saw last -- Grey and Styles, Soot and Big-Mouth -- but maybe that's what his soldiers -- his friends would have grown into, if they'd been given the chance. If they hadn't betrayed -- no, they'd been betrayed, no matter how it looked from the outside. If Rex is right . . .

It's so hard to hold onto that, though. Harder than he wants it to be. They're good men, Rex and Wolfe and Gregor, but they've got the faces of his nightmares, and that's . . .

Maybe if he gets out of his own head a little, maybe . . . maybe that'll make this better. Somehow. Which is why he pulls himself away from the mess and goes looking for Hera. She'll be on the Ghost, he knows, and --

And that's probably better for him, too. More hands always help turn a slapdash field repair into something that'll last.

Comments

[notallofus]

"Yeah. It's probably going to take me a while, though."

He puts on a wry, crooked smile, but he's not really feeling it.

"But maybe not so long, now, with Rex and the rest here to remind me."

[for_everyone]

"Us," she says quietly.

Then she lifts her voice, looking back to him. "My mother said there aren't good choices, during a war. And you still have to carry them."

[notallofus]

"Us," he agrees, just as quietly.

"Your mom sounds like she knew what she was talking about."

Kanan exhales.

"Unfortunately. Do you think it's a bad thing, when we start getting used to it?"

[for_everyone]

Start? is what she thinks.

But she answers, "I'm sure it can be an excuse, for people who want to give up on the good altogether."

[notallofus]

Started, maybe, and not recently, at that. But --

Maybe he's worried about that, now, where he wasn't before.

"It could be that they just get lost."

[for_everyone]

"I think that's true."

She blinks away. "Sometimes. But not always."

[notallofus]

"Not always," he agrees. "But often enough."

His smile is tiny, and also crooked.

"If I hadn't met you, I might've gone that way."

At least for a little while.

[for_everyone]

She looks back, eyebrows raised, looking offended for him.

"No you wouldn't have."

[notallofus]

He flushes slightly, looking down and away.

Just for a second.

"Yeah, well. I probably would have wanted to, anyway. At least for ten minutes."

And thinking that feels bad enough so . . . Hera's probably right.

[for_everyone]

She also blinks back down.

"I remember the first time I saw you. You were defending that friend of yours, back on Gorse, when Vidian was harassing him. I thought about maybe recruiting you, then. But -"

At some point, while she was speaking, Hera had gently reached over to Kanan, and taken his hand.

"Well, then you opened your mouth."

[notallofus]

Kanan tangles his fingers with hers in response, taken aback by the competing upswelling of his heart and the sudden urge to laugh.

"I hope I'm at least a little more tolerable, now. When I talk, I mean."

[for_everyone]

"You've definitely improved, love," she answers.

"But my point was you didn't need me to tell you what was right."

[notallofus]

"Maybe not, but I did need you to get me to start looking at the bigger picture again."

His smile widens a little, and he tugs gently on her hand.

"Obviously I still do."

[for_everyone]

Hera tightens her hold, just slightly, in return.

"We've both learned a lot from each other."

[notallofus]

"Hopefully we've taught the kids at least some of that."

Yes, he's including Zeb in that. Just for this moment.