Kanan Jarrus (
notallofus) wrote2017-04-05 11:30 pm
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Kanan doesn't join Hera in the cockpit as she makes the jump to hyperspace. He mutters something about checking on the Phantom, he makes little effort to focus on the maintenance calculations, and before he knows it Chopper is shooing him away, leaving him to wander back to the lounge.
He takes a seat by the Dejarik board, leaning forward and resting his palms on his knees. His mind goes, unbidden, to his old breathing exercises - the enveloping silence of space, his eyes set, unfocused, on the metal floor, and their cool, familiar voices rush back to him, even as he tries to push them away. Kanan feels like a thirsty man refusing a drink of water, a strange feeling, since for so long pushing it away, ignoring it, had come so easily. There had seemed to be a mutual apathy.
But it didn't feel so apathetic anymore.
He takes a seat by the Dejarik board, leaning forward and resting his palms on his knees. His mind goes, unbidden, to his old breathing exercises - the enveloping silence of space, his eyes set, unfocused, on the metal floor, and their cool, familiar voices rush back to him, even as he tries to push them away. Kanan feels like a thirsty man refusing a drink of water, a strange feeling, since for so long pushing it away, ignoring it, had come so easily. There had seemed to be a mutual apathy.
But it didn't feel so apathetic anymore.
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"We don't know how much time we have."
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She raises one eyebrow, folding her arms again and settling her weight on her heels.
"Though I make no promises."
But seriously.
"You plan to start practicing your skills, I hope? Because as it stands now I'm not sure you know what's rusty and what's not. Or how rusty any of it is."
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He gives her a brief, sideways grin, though it fades quickly.
"Then if I do this, how will we use it? You can't fly with a known Jedi, Hera."
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Her smile is less faint, this time.
"I sort of already do."
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And in another moment, he would have lingered on that a little more. But -
"But I'm serious.
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She exhales.
"You need to stop hesitating to tell me, or to react, when you get a feeling about something. And -- the thing with the Stormtroopers today -- if you could do that faster when we're deep in bantha droppings -- "
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He looks down to the floor again, and takes a step back, leaning against the wall.
"I trust you. But not anyone else. We need to be prepared for that."
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She pauses for a moment, studying Kanan -- the look on his face, his posture, the set of his chin, what he's doing with his hands --
"What are you thinking we should do?"
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"I'm thinking we should talk about what happened. And how we'd do it differently."
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Sitting would be very welcome, just about now. It's not that Kanan looks tired, but history can be exhausting. Hera would also, herself, prefer not to make any conversational missteps, and a bit of caf-related alertness might help.
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He takes a breath, then straightens from the wall, looking back to her with a small grin.
"Besides, who am I gonna tell, Chopper?"
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Hera grins back, then turns to make her way to the hidey-hole behind which the caf rests.
"So, yes, you could tell Chop."
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Why does Hera hide her caf stash in a cubby behind a panel between the 'fresher and her bunk?
Who knows.
But that is definitely where she hides it.
"That -- might be about it."
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Then again, if it's true, that's something like an honor.
"But I swear, the location of your secret caf panel dies with me."
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Hera smirks over her shoulder at him, just for a moment.
"As long as you don't mind me knowing your vices."
Speaking of vices --
"If Chopper ever does stop complaining about you to you, you'll know someone's messed with his programming."
It's a sign of the end times.
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That... might have sounded better in his head?
Please just give him caf now.
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Right, nothing on the face, Syndulla. Just start making the caf.
"I plan to keep mine from you, at least until Chop starts complaining to you about me."
Please never do that, Chop. Please.
"Which should be the tenth of never, so I'm fine."
And now, of course, all of her focus is on not spilling the cups of caf as she hands one to Kanan and then makes her way back to the lounge. And the chairs in the lounge.
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He drinks a little, then stares down at his cup, tapping the edge with his finger.
"So," he says, eventually. "The delivery."
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Hera takes her own swallow of caf, because it's delicious and also because it's grounding.
" -- felt something?"
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He knows that's not helpful. But he knows he's rusty at looking inward, and it isn't easy to distinguish a normal level of wariness, and something else.
"It was when we were... getting ready for the mine."
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Her brow furrows, and she fiddles with her cup a little.
"I'm not entirely sure how to ask about this."
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He tries a brief smile, but it fades quickly.
"When we were getting ready, I was putting on that helmet and I..."
Kanan closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.
"It was like hearing something in the distance, when you're not even sure you're really hearing it."
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She absorbs that for a few moments, teeth digging into her lower lip absentmindedly.
"An imperfect analogy, I'm guessing? But it's something to go on with, so -- go on."
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He stops tapping on his cup. His eyes open, and takes another sip of the caf.
"I mean, actually loud, and - whenever you're somewhere like that, so many beings together -"
So much life, stacked together like miners' bunks on Gorse, like Clone transports, like Coruscant.
"But yes, you're right, as we went on, it was clearer. Something that... made me want to stop."
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