Talking about Mustafar

[notallofus]

It's always hard when a mission goes wrong. Even when it ends up in achieving the objective, the panic at one of his own being taken, of knowing they'll be interrogated at the end of the journey, the fear --

Kanan takes a deep breath, leaning back on his hands to watch the stars. Somewhere out there are all the places he has ever been, and all the places he's never wanted to go.

Especially one. They would have taken Caleb there if they caught him, or maybe he hadn't known enough, which . . .

The Ithorians the stormtroopers took off the street today wouldn't have known anything, either. Kanan's not sure this means they'll ever let them go. The Empire isn't really known for its mercy, not even locally.

Maybe he'll try meditating, see if he can stop focusing on the things he can't change.






Yeah, right.

Comments

[for_everyone]

Hera curls her hands around his. But her eyes stay down, and after a few seconds, she closes them, and shakes her head.

"Kanan -"

(Still, her hands stay tight around his.)

[notallofus]

He holds on just as tightly.

But --

"I know, Hera."

[for_everyone]

"I -"

She takes another deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed again.

"If things were - different -"

[notallofus]

His fingers tighten around hers, then release just as quickly.

"If things were different, we'd be different."

And oh, in this moment, how he wishes things were.

But they're not.

"Maybe we'll get lucky. Eventually."

His expression slips, briefly, into horrified. His mouth, what has it done?

"Not like that. I meant -- "

[for_everyone]

Hera puts her face in her hands again, though at least for different reasons this time.

"Oh, Kanan -"

She shakes her head again, and turns in her seat, lowering her hands and leaning forward to look over the ship's controls.

"How you and your mouth survived for so long, I'll never know."

[notallofus]

Is it relief he feels, now that the moment is broken?

(No.)

He sits back, still feeling the ghost of her touch on his hands. It is going to linger for quite some time. He can tell.

"I told you, I did a lot of running. And I was cuter as a kid. That probably helped."

[for_everyone]

"It probably didn't hurt."

It's a quick, easy answer. But Hera feels none of it. There's no relief for her, either. Though her movements are smooth, her limbs feel rattled. She's not sure she could even stand from the pilot's chair now.

And yet, she puts on a smile. "But it's good I found you when I did."

[notallofus]

He smiles back, scrubbing one hand over his face.

It's what there is to do.

"Tell me about it."

[for_everyone]

Hera lets the silence linger. Until her breathing is easy, her heart isn't drumming in her ears, and she's confident that if she were to try standing, she wouldn't stumble immediately.

Then, "I can reach out to some contacts."

She flicks a few switches on the console, and then leans back again, looking over to Kanan. There's no smile now. "Maybe find someone who can keep an eye out for the Ithorians."

[notallofus]

"I . . . "

He trails off, meeting Hera's eyes for a long moment.

"If you can, it's worth it to try."

If they don't try, who are they? What keeps them from turning into the Empire?

(Is this where the Jedi started making mistakes, caring so much for the many that they forgot about the few?)

[for_everyone]

"It is," she agrees.

Her voice is soft, then. But it grows as she adds, "I'll start after we get refueled."

[notallofus]

Kanan shakes his head a little, moving to stand.

"Then I guess I'd better get moving on that."

He rests his hand on her shoulder just before he leaves.

"Thanks."

[for_everyone]

Hera lifts her hand, covering his and pressing her fingers into his palm for just a few seconds.

"Always."

And then, she releases him again.

[notallofus]

"Always," he echoes, then really does leave to handle the refueling.

He's going to hold her to that. And himself, too.