Kanan Jarrus (
notallofus) wrote2019-01-11 09:00 pm
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Two there are
It's not like Kanan's trying to let Rex get under his skin, but if the clo -- guy -- could just keep his opinions about what makes a good Jedi to himself, this would all be a lot easier. Not that Kanan's jealous of him trying to mentor Ezra, there's nothing wrong with that.
Nothing.
Just --
"You really think wit's going to get you out of every hole you dig yourself into?" He finds himself asking Rex, halfway through heating up a protein pack in the galley. "I thought you couldn't fly by the seat of your pants in the army."
Rex folds his arms across his chest, scoffing out loud. "You have to have heard the one about battle plans surviving enemies. Maybe you didn't remember it, in all the time you spent off the front lines, but surely you heard it somewhere."
Nothing.
Just --
"You really think wit's going to get you out of every hole you dig yourself into?" He finds himself asking Rex, halfway through heating up a protein pack in the galley. "I thought you couldn't fly by the seat of your pants in the army."
Rex folds his arms across his chest, scoffing out loud. "You have to have heard the one about battle plans surviving enemies. Maybe you didn't remember it, in all the time you spent off the front lines, but surely you heard it somewhere."
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But apparently that's not going to happen today. So instead, she quickly eats through the fruit, and gets to her feet.
"Kanan."
She says it loud enough to be heard, over all that. "Can you come help me run a diagnostic on the dorsal gun?"
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Hera's voice cuts through the bickering, and Kanan immediately turns around, taking one step in her direction.
"Is something wrong?"
Because why else would she be asking for his help? He didn't feel any impact, and they would all have heard the comm if an emergency had happened for Sabine and Zeb and Ezra (and Chopper).
Before he makes his way fully over to her, however, he half-turns to look at Rex. "We'll continue this later."
So there.
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Did she say something?
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And she doesn't say anything else, as they head up to the top deck of the ship, stopping short of the cockpit and instead going up the ladder to the seat of the dorsal turret.
There's not much room. Hera's wishing she'd chosen something else, but it's one of the few remaining tasks she needs to get done today. So she sets in the settings for the diagnostic, needing exactly no help from Kanan, and then -
"Do you think you could cool it, a little, with Rex?"
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(Okay, maybe a little.)
(Maybe a lot.)
"If he'll cool it about my training methods with Ezra."
He folds his arms across his chest, realizing too late that this probably wasn't the most . . . useful move at this point.
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She can't imagine why he decided to run off with the others.
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"He's not. But I want to get this settled before he comes back, because it's undermining our training."
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Because Hera can guess!
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Okay, that doesn't seem like a great tone to be hearing from her.
"Don't actually know what settled would look like."
Except maybe for Rex admitting that Kanan is right, and also a great Jedi. Which . . . okay, even if he said that, Kanan wouldn't really be able to believe it, so . . .
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"I know it's not just you. Rex is baiting you, too. He might not be all that comfortable around you, either."
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Gingerly.
"I guess he's worried about the kid, and I get that, but -- "
But it still bothers him. Ezra's drawn enough to Phoenix Squadron and their rank system as it is. Kanan's not sure how he'd handle more of that, and part of him was hoping he wouldn't have to.
"Even if he weren't a clone, the soldier thing . . . that'd get under my skin."
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"I'm sorry, Kanan. But I don't think that's something you can just shield Ezra from."
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Quietly --
"I know. That doesn't help, either."
He hates it. And he can't afford to hate it. So --
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"And he might not choose the same path you do."
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"He's so reckless sometimes, in a way that . . . that I can't reach."
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"Then maybe that's something Rex could help you with."
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"You really think that?"
Part of him wants to hear her say 'no', and the other part knows she wouldn't have said it if she didn't think it. He's not sure how he feels about that, but . . . he's going to have to figure it out.
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"Rex doesn't seem reckless to me. But I know some clones troopers were. It might be something he's dealt with before."
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He takes a deep breath, and exhales it again.
"He's got that already, it feels like to me. I want to balance that. I -- maybe I should ask him. Rex. Because you're right, if he were all improvisation all the time, he wouldn't be alive right now. I just -- it's so easy to get angry at him."
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She does turn away now, leaning back into the seat again. "Look, Rex keeps telling you what he thinks a Jedi should be. I'm sure he wants what's best for Ezra, but right now he's doing that by challenging you in front of him. I can see why that makes you angry."
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Kanan takes a deep breath again.
"You know I don't always feel like the greatest Jedi, or even like I'm doing it right at all. And this . . . he knew Jedi, Jedi Masters, even. And if I don't measure up . . . "
It's just another failure, and one he can't see how to come back from.
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"Rex knew them," she says quietly. "You are one."
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"I'll try to remember that," he says at last. "When I talk to him about Ezra, I mean. And . . . dealing with recklessness."
It's a promise.
"No more bickering."
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For the moment, her hand stays on his knee.
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"Yeah, I was getting pretty unbearable there, wasn't I?"
He'd say it about Rex, too, but his tone would probably be . . . too snide. So he doesn't mention him.
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She smiles slightly, but adds, "And I'm sure it's hard on Ezra."
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"We were . . . oh. Uh. Yeah, sorry about that."
He has a feeling that was all on him.
"And . . . you think that's why he was so eager to go along on this mission?"
Well, shit.
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(And manages. Mostly.)
"Uh, probably not, no."
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But Rex isn't under her command, but she's not Kanan's mother to solve his problems for him, but -
"But Ezra's your student."
And not making him want to run off on dangerous missions rather than spend the day training is more Kanan's responsibility.
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There's a sinking sensation in his stomach, because he's pretty sure he's going to bumble around more before actually really managing to get this solved, but --
"I'll figure it out. But it won't be a problem anymore. And . . . I'll make it right with Rex, too."
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After a pause, she adds, "And you know, you can always ask me for help, too."
Maybe instead of irritating her until she just does it anyway.
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"I know. Sometimes I'm slow to realize there's something I need help with, though."
Like this time. Deliberately not thinking about things is a horrible coping mechanism!
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"That's okay. But maybe it's something to practice."
She knows she's not always good at it, either.
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"I'll get better. And yes, I'll practice. We both can."
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Still, she takes a breath, and looks back up to him. "All right. It's a deal."
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"I won't forget."