"It's driving me crazy. Because like I said, they're good men, and I know that, I saw that, and at the same time, when I see them move out of the corner of my eye, or hear them talking, I'm right back there again, when I was . . . "

He trails off, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"Pushing it down again isn't going to help in the long run, but in the short run I . . . I don't know what to do."