post-Grakkus

[notallofus]

Zeb's finally gone to his bunk to rest, not least because the Ghost is now safely in hyperspace, headed away from Nar Shaddaa and toward -- well.

Toward somewhere else. Kanan hasn't had the energy to ask. But he also doesn't want to take a break, because that would give him time to think, and to dream.

Which is why he's currently in the galley, brewing up a large stash of caf to keep himself up for the next four to eight hours.

He's fine! Really!

Comments

[notallofus]

"I want to believe that," he says, hands still cupped around his own mug.

"But it's all just history now. Inspirational history, maybe, but -- "

He exhales.

"It's harder to believe any of the others are out there, now. Not after seeing just how much . . . detritus it's all become."

[for_everyone]

Now, Hera does look down, to her hand still flat on the table.

"I can't know what this is like," she says, slowly. "And nothing can fix it. But - you're still here."

She takes another deep breath, giving herself a moment to hesitate, to decide whether to say it.

"So it's not just history."

[notallofus]

His expression tightens up, as her statement hits him like a punch to the sternum.

It's not exactly history now, no, but if he's the only one left . . . it will be soon enough.

Except the Force will still be there --

"Yeah."

He breathes out.

"Yeah, you're right. But thinking of it as if it were history . . . I keep thinking that'll make it easier. And sometimes it does."

Then, of course, he gets taken by surprise, and they're both seeing how that plays out.

[for_everyone]

After a few seconds, Hera nods. "I think I can see - why it would have been easier, that way."

She can still be who she is. Maybe not all of it, all the time. But enough that mattered, all the time. Kanan doesn't have that.

"And if it's easier for you now - I understand."

She looks up again. "But I'm going to remember this."

[notallofus]

He's startled into a smile, even if it's one that quickly fades.

"Yeah, I think this'll be sticking with me for a while, too. Maybe in the long run it'll . . . maybe I'll be able to let things be different. Someday."

Kanan still hasn't taken a second sip of caf.

"But. Thanks. For remembering even when I'm trying not to."

[for_everyone]

Hera hesitates another moment, but now does reach out, tapping Kanan's hand. She also smiles, though it flickers out just as quick.

"I will," she repeats. And then she finally reaches back, and sips her own caf.

"And - now we know. We can put the word out."

As much as it may matter, but.

[notallofus]

"Maybe someone who . . . has an entirely different value set will decide to liberate some pieces from that disaster of a Hutt."

He can hope, right?

"There's got to be at least one of those running around."

He takes a sip of his own caf, even if it's starting to go lukewarm.

[for_everyone]

"Maybe," she agrees.

"I wish it was something we could do ourselves, but..."

But, if she's being honest, she's never taking Kanan anywhere near that place again. She doesn't want to imagine what a Hutt like that would do with an actual living Jedi.

[notallofus]

"We've got other responsibilities," Kanan says with a crooked grin. "I know. And -- I honestly can't say that I want to go back."

It was creepy, and unsettling, and they still couldn't take even a fraction of the material with them. And destroying the lightsabers . . . that feels wrong, too.

[for_everyone]

She nods, her eyes dropping down to the table again.

"But we got something out of it." Hera reaches back, down to her pocket, and pulls out the holoscanner. She sets it down on the table, and taps one side, white light gathering over it, into the shape of the refining tech they'd now destroyed.

[notallofus]

"Did you have time to scan all the way through?" Kanan asks, leaning forward to peer at the holo.

"Because I'm both curious and afraid of the potential scale of this thing's throughput."

[for_everyone]

"I did."

She looks over the holo, but with no more certainty than she had before. Her knowledge of mineral refinery is limited, let alone when it comes to kyber.

"But I hope this makes more sense to someone else out there than it does to me."

[notallofus]

"It's got to," Kanan says, with something like blind faith.

"I mean, someone had to build it, and the chances they were the smartest and best mining equipment engineer in the galaxy is . . . not all that high, right?"

[for_everyone]

"But someone that specilalizes in kyber?"

Hera shakes her head. "I don't know how many there were, but if the Empire's this interested, they must have hunted down as many as they could."

[notallofus]

"Now those would be records we could -- okay, somebody could track down, though, right? Missing kyber specialists? Kyber specialists all transferring to one particular think-tank attached to an Imperial Academy or something?"

There's got to be something. This feels . . . important, not least because it's confusing.

[for_everyone]

"Probably," she says, though she reaches to switch the holo off again.

"Someone out there must know something about this. It's all about finding them."

She lets out a breath. "And the Empire's been good at making that difficult."

[notallofus]

"Not just for the fancy intellectual types, either," Kanan says, exhaling heavily.

"Which makes it even harder to pick out a pattern."

Damn them.

[for_everyone]

Hera watches the now-dark holo projector, flattening her hands on the table again.

"Right now, we did what we could."

It's a big galaxy. And sometimes it does come down to what you can manage.

[notallofus]

"Maybe one day there'll be enough of us all over, doing what we can, to really . . . change things all over."

The Jedi used to try to do that, before. Certain arms of the Republic, too. And if even the people who think they can't stand up do . . .

[for_everyone]

Hera stays silent at first, her eyes still on the table.

Then, "That's the idea."

[notallofus]

He half-smiles, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Time's the real killer, huh?"

[for_everyone]

"And patience."

She doesn't look up. "Sometimes it feels like patience is literally killing us."

[notallofus]

There's a moment where Kanan looks startled, eyebrows lifting. It's not quite taken aback, but he's certainly pulled out of his own melancholy thoughts.

"We'd all be dead a lot sooner without it," he says quietly.

[for_everyone]

"I know."

And she does. She does know that. Finally, she raises her eyes to him again.

"Kanan, is there anything - besides drinking too much caf..."

[notallofus]

"Or sitting here talking?"

He musters another smile, wan and not very convincing.

"Not much, I'm afraid."

[for_everyone]

"I can do sitting and talking," she says, now also smiling, if faintly.

"At least for a little while."

[notallofus]

"I guess I'll leave all this caf in the thermos, for Zeb to use if he ever decides to wake up."

It's kind of like a promise, he supposes.

And he will eventually try to get some real sleep.