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Kanan doesn't join Hera in the cockpit as she makes the jump to hyperspace. He mutters something about checking on the Phantom, he makes little effort to focus on the maintenance calculations, and before he knows it Chopper is shooing him away, leaving him to wander back to the lounge.

He takes a seat by the Dejarik board, leaning forward and resting his palms on his knees. His mind goes, unbidden, to his old breathing exercises - the enveloping silence of space, his eyes set, unfocused, on the metal floor, and their cool, familiar voices rush back to him, even as he tries to push them away. Kanan feels like a thirsty man refusing a drink of water, a strange feeling, since for so long pushing it away, ignoring it, had come so easily. There had seemed to be a mutual apathy.

But it didn't feel so apathetic anymore.

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"I'm agreeing with you, I just -

He looks down to the floor again, and takes a step back, leaning against the wall.

"I trust you. But not anyone else. We need to be prepared for that."

"All right."

She pauses for a moment, studying Kanan -- the look on his face, his posture, the set of his chin, what he's doing with his hands --

"What are you thinking we should do?"

Edited 2017-04-12 13:55 (UTC)

Kanan's eyes stay on the floor. He doesn't speak, and as the silence stretches on he can feel his breathing slow, pick out the sounds of the ship, the low roll of the engines, soft rattle of the vents, even rev of Chopper's movements up in the cockpit.

"I'm thinking we should talk about what happened. And how we'd do it differently."

"Do you want to talk over a cup of Spiran caf? I've got some stashed away. Don't tell anyone."

Sitting would be very welcome, just about now. It's not that Kanan looks tired, but history can be exhausting. Hera would also, herself, prefer not to make any conversational missteps, and a bit of caf-related alertness might help.

"I wouldn't say no to that."

He takes a breath, then straightens from the wall, looking back to her with a small grin.

"Besides, who am I gonna tell, Chopper?"

"He's the one who'll complain at me about my stimulant intake. Endlessly."

Hera grins back, then turns to make her way to the hidey-hole behind which the caf rests.

"So, yes, you could tell Chop."

"Is there something he doesn't complain about endlessly?" Kanan says, absently following her.

"Well, he's finally stopped complaining about you to me?"

Why does Hera hide her caf stash in a cubby behind a panel between the 'fresher and her bunk?

Who knows.

But that is definitely where she hides it.

"That -- might be about it."

Edited 2017-04-13 15:40 (UTC)

"That's funny, he hasn't stopped complaining about me to me."

Then again, if it's true, that's something like an honor.

"But I swear, the location of your secret caf panel dies with me."

"You're welcome to use it to hide something that's not caf."

Hera smirks over her shoulder at him, just for a moment.

"As long as you don't mind me knowing your vices."

Speaking of vices --

"If Chopper ever does stop complaining about you to you, you'll know someone's messed with his programming."

It's a sign of the end times.

"I think you're probably going to know about a lot of my vices."

That... might have sounded better in his head?

Please just give him caf now.

Did he just --

Right, nothing on the face, Syndulla. Just start making the caf.

"I plan to keep mine from you, at least until Chop starts complaining to you about me."

Please never do that, Chop. Please.

"Which should be the tenth of never, so I'm fine."

And now, of course, all of her focus is on not spilling the cups of caf as she hands one to Kanan and then makes her way back to the lounge. And the chairs in the lounge.

Edited 2017-04-14 14:31 (UTC)

Perfectly happy to let that pass, he stays quiet as she finishes making the caf, though he doesn't sit down until she does.

He drinks a little, then stares down at his cup, tapping the edge with his finger.

"So," he says, eventually. "The delivery."

"That was when you first -- "

Hera takes her own swallow of caf, because it's delicious and also because it's grounding.

" -- felt something?"

"I don't think so."

He knows that's not helpful. But he knows he's rusty at looking inward, and it isn't easy to distinguish a normal level of wariness, and something else.

"It was when we were... getting ready for the mine."

"During? Or just before?"

Her brow furrows, and she fiddles with her cup a little.

"I'm not entirely sure how to ask about this."

"I'm not entirely sure how to explain it."

He tries a brief smile, but it fades quickly.

"When we were getting ready, I was putting on that helmet and I..."

Kanan closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.

"It was like hearing something in the distance, when you're not even sure you're really hearing it."

"Huh."

She absorbs that for a few moments, teeth digging into her lower lip absentmindedly.

"An imperfect analogy, I'm guessing? But it's something to go on with, so -- go on."

"Well, it was pretty loud in there."

He stops tapping on his cup. His eyes open, and takes another sip of the caf.

"I mean, actually loud, and - whenever you're somewhere like that, so many beings together -"

So much life, stacked together like miners' bunks on Gorse, like Clone transports, like Coruscant.

"But yes, you're right, as we went on, it was clearer. Something that... made me want to stop."

"Wait," Hera says, sitting up a little straighter.

"Is every time we go into a city or another population-dense zone terrible for you?"

Kanan shakes his head.

"I can choose to listen. But if I do..."

He sets his cup down on the Dejarik table, laying his hands down flat on either side. "When I was training, I learned to make sense of the noise, hear what I needed to. But I've gotten... rusty."

"Are there ways to build up your tolerance between missions? I know we spend a lot of time on the Ghost, but if heading planet or moon-wards would help more -- "

She's willing to do what's necessary. If they can swing it, anyway.

"It's more about listening to the Force."

He takes another deep breath in, then out.

"I guess if you ignore for long enough, it becomes more like a stranger."

"Does that mean you need to start all the way back at making introductions?"

This may be a longer haul than either of them were hoping. So it goes.

"Or is the best way to practice all of this just to do it?"

"Well, there aren't any Jedi Masters around anymore, so I'll have to hope practice will do it."

It's harsh, much more so than he means it to be. He regrets it at once, closing his eyes again.

"Hera, I -"

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