notallofus | (no subject)

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Zeb is still grumbling about having to share his room. The kid is annoyed at having to share a room with Zeb. And Chopper is blaring on about - something. Kanan hasn't been paying much attention. He watches Zeb and the kid badger each other, and Chopper flail his arms around, but he's only half-listening. All of it was probably inevitable, and there's a lot they'll all have to get used to now. And at the moment, he's not sure he has it in him to referee all of this. It's been a very, very long day.

So after another minute or so, Kanan shakes his head, turning out of the galley.

But rather than heading for his own room, he moves toward the bow of the ship. He climbs up into the cockpit, and as he expected, he finds Hera sitting in the pilot's chair, leaning over the controls.

"How does it look?"

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"Not too bad," Hera says, looking up at Kanan with a faint smile. Above it, though, her gaze is serious, and a little assessing.

"How do you feel?"

Rather than sit, Kanan leans into the chair across from hers. "I, uh -"

He takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Like I jumped off a cliff, and I'm still waiting to see whether I'll crash or land?"

"Any crash you walk away from . . . "

Hera trails off, letting the silence carry the uncertainty they both feel, about all of this.

"You got the Wookiees out of there, Kanan. You did what you were meant to do."

Edited 2017-11-20 22:24 (UTC)

"And I've put us all in a lot of danger."

Now the Empire knows there's a Jedi near Lothal. There's no way that will go ignored.

"You're going to give people a lot of hope, too. You've done it already. Did you see their faces?"

There's an intensity to her voice as she says that, because hope -- these days it's so hard to come by. For everyone.

"We'll handle it, whatever danger comes. And if the Empire spends its time and resources looking for us . . . "

"They're not spending it somewhere else."

That thought gave him more comfort before their ship was so full.

Kanan sighs, finally stepping to sit down in the chair. "It was a long time coming, I know that. I don't regret it. But..."

But it's hard to see where all of this will take them. And yet, he knows that was also always true. He shakes his head.

"I don't know, in some ways it's a relief."

"I don't regret it, either, love," Hera says, reaching out to rest her hand on his shoulder.

"We'll make it work. Even the parts of it that aren't a relief."

Kanan nods, but his eyes are still down. "I just - "

He lets out a breath, and looks back up to her. "I wish I could tell you what's coming."

"I wish you could, too," she says, smiling a little crookedly. "Sometimes."

A breath, and her fingers tighten on his shoulder.

"But the rest of the time I know that uncertainty -- not knowing for sure what's coming or how we're going to get there -- is what gives us the space we need to someday win. The Empire is certain. It's what leads them into making mistakes."

"That's a better way of looking at it," he agrees.

Really, if they went by the odds, they all would've been finished a long time ago.

"But I still don't think this is something we should advertise more than we have to," Kanan says, leaning back in his chair. "Especially not with some of our... associates."

Hera thinks briefly of Vizago, as well as a handful of their other contacts.

She exhales.

"You're right. We can do our best to keep you under wraps -- no planning the missions around your skills, looking for solutions that don't mean you and someday Ezra need to stretch that far to get things done, but -- the news is going to spread. It'll take awhile, but it won't take forever."

"I know. And it's not about trying to hide again. Just - with some of them, it was one thing when they thought we were smugglers."

Or even... especially idealistic smugglers. But the bounty for a Jedi might be too much to ignore.

Hera just nods, because Kanan's got a point.

But then, with the faintest of crooked smiles --

"Who knows, maybe some of them will find themselves inspired, too."

Kanan snorts.

"Maybe. But I think we've done enough recruitment for today."

Her smile broadens a fraction at that.

"How much trouble do you think he's going to be?"

Kanan leans farther back in the chair.

"I - don't think he's thrilled with the room arrangements."

But to be fair, Kanan wouldn't really want to share a room with Zeb, either.

"The room arrangements are the fastest way to let them get it out of their system," Hera says, only a little exasperated.

"So they stop roughhousing during missions."

"I thought of it more as a seniority thing."

And a 'there are literally no other cabins on the ship' thing.

"Maybe, but even if we hadn't been space-limited, I still would have stuck them together for at least a little while."

So there.

"Well, I hope it works."

He sighs. "I'd like to avoid taking on a Star Destroyer again anytime soon."

Maybe in the future, but. They were lucky.

Hera exhales heavily.

"You and me both. Their TIE fighter complement alone . . . "

Kanan watches her for a few seconds, before giving her a small smile.

"But he might quit trying to rob us, so..."

There's a bright side.

"He might, at that."

She lets out a huff of breath that might almost be a chuckle.

"But we're going to have to stock up on a lot more supplies in the near future. I think he might still be growing."

He's young, that's certainly plain enough to see.

"And he probably hasn't been eating enough as it is."

Kanan sighs, lifting his head and rubbing his forehead.

"How fast do you think he'll realize I have no idea what I'm doing?"

His tone is light, but maybe a bit too deliberately so.

Hera moves her hand from Kanan's shoulder to his wrist, holding on with a gentle but inexorable grip.

"Do any of us really know what we're doing? You make the best choice you can, every time it comes up, and deal with the consequences. I know there are more consequences for you, given . . . everything, but. I think you'll be better at this than you might want to believe, if you just give yourself the chance."

Kanan hesitates, but then turns his wrist to take her hand.

"I hope you're right."

But then, that's usually where his hope is.

Edited 2017-11-21 03:17 (UTC)

She twines her fingers with his.

"We'll just have to work to make sure I am."

He's not in this alone. None of them are, even when they each have their own trials to face.

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