notallofus | (no subject)

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Right. So now that Ezra's Jedi education is underway, there should be some kind of formalized feedback, right?

An . . . exam of some sort. Or maybe not as formal as an exam, but --

No, probably an exam. Which means Kanan needs to come up with said exam, and whether it's written or physical or both, and what criteria count as success, and --

"Uh."

While thinking all this, Kanan has subconsciously made his way to the cockpit, pausing just inside the door as if only now thinking to check if Hera is currently less-than-busy.

"Do you have a minute?"

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"At the moment?"

She's leaned over the console, her fingers tapping along it, but not with any particular urgency.

"Have a seat."

Kanan's shoulders don't sag with relief, but he moves with alacrity toward the copilot's seat and settles in.

"So. Uh."

Right. This beginning is going to be awkward. Because how do you ask someone about testing methods for an Order they've never been a part of?

But at the same time . . . given that there are no other Jedi here, new testing methods are practically required. And he's long out of the habit of doing everything alone.

"I'm thinkng I should probably figure out how to give Ezra an exam. Or maybe another marker of accomplishment, but I can't really think of anything that isn't some sort of test?"

Hera blinks up, and then at once down again, hoping it wasn't obvious that her first thought was, I have no idea what to do about that.

"Well..." she starts.

And then.

"... should it be a test?" She's not sure how else to ask it.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

He sighs, scrubbing his hand through his hair.

"There were a lot of tests in the Temple. Especially as we got older, the evaluations and rankings seemed constant. It helped keep some people focused, and it certainly made us feel accomplished when we did well. I'd like Ezra to have some of those same feelings, but I'm not sure -- I'm not sure a test is the way, but it . . . was the Jedi way."

Hera takes a breath, leaning back in her chair, away from the console. This isn't going to be something she can consider with only part of her attention.

"I'm not sure, Kanan," she admits, finally. "I didn't have many formal tests growing up. Most of it was - well, I had to prove I could handle something, if I wanted to do it."

And this had worked fairly well, as there was a lot she'd wanted to do.

"The trouble with that approach and Ezra is that he's going to want to do a lot of things that are a terrible idea, and he's going to be able to do it without all that much trouble."

The Dark Side is such an easy path. Easy as breathing.

"Most of my fellow padawans could have, when we were his age. And with our work, there's not exactly a lot of time for meditation on discipline, so that's going to have to be encouraged another way. I thought tests -- laying out some specific things he's going to have to be able to do, and then having him demonstrate being able to do them -- that might be an easier external focus to encourage discipline, and give him more time to learn the rest on a reasonable foundation."

It's not much help for Hera. She'd never seen power as something easy accessible, and in dangerously high supply.

Still, she folds her hands in her lap, turning his words over in her mind. "Well."

After a few more seconds, "I think it might help with Ezra if he - really understood what the goal was. And why it's important for him."

Well.

"It'd probably help if I was clearer on that, myself," Kanan mutters at last.

Hera unfolds her hands, pressing them down against her knees.

"What are you afraid of, Kanan?"

Failure.

The thought comes to him immediately. It's not what he says out loud, though, because while that's the ever-constant answer, the more immediate one is --

"Betraying the Jedi's teachings, showing Ezra just enough to make him dangerous but not enough to keep him from the Dark Side."

Which is its own form of failure.

Edited 2018-01-28 04:13 (UTC)

She waits a few seconds, and then -

"Why do you think he'd turn to the Dark Side?"

"He's impulsive," is what Kanan says first.

"And a lot of that comes from anger. Anger's an easy road to power, and once you start needing to be angry in order to feel the Force, you'll start needing to stay angry. It's hard to stop."

"He has a lot to be angry about."

Her gaze drops to the floor. "And I've been trying to do something about that, but I -"

"I know you have. He knows that, too, and it's helped some. I understand why it's hard for him, but we don't have the time for him to come to terms with everything before I can keep teaching him."

Kanan shakes his head, frazzled and trying hard not to be.

"I don't know, maybe a test would be a distraction? Nothing too hard, or too impossible, but -- "

"Is... that helpful?"

She really doesn't want to presume here, but -

"Distracting him from his anger?"

"In the short term, maybe? In the long-term, no. He needs to process it. I just don't know how to get him there, not with everything else we have to do."

Kanan exhales, hard.

"Meditation won't do it, because he's looking to avoid addressing it, and I can't force the conversation, or him dealing with it, so . . . I'm at a loss."

"Is there something else that could help you?"

Hera glances down the cockpit, toward the door. "Like the holocron?"

"The holocron is basically a recording device, or at least that's all I know how to use it for. If we still had access to th -- huh."

He falls silent, brow furrowed in thought.

"There is the temple here, the one we found."

Edited 2018-03-03 03:29 (UTC)

"There is," she agrees, speaking slowly.

"You said you couldn't open it before."

"I couldn't, no, not alone. But with Ezra there -- a master and an apprentice . . . "

He trails off for a moment.

"Like a lot of things, it's likely to be easier if I'm not alone. I -- it feels right."

"All right."

If Kanan says this feels right, Hera doesn't feel it's her place to question it. She glances down, looking over the console, and offers, "You two could take the Phantom."

Kanan hesitates for a moment, because . . .

"Are you sure?"

"That's what it's there for, love."

She smiles, briefly, before she adds, "We took this on, and - if this is what you think Ezra needs, then you have to do it."

His smile is crooked and accompanied by a self-deprecatory laugh.

"I think he and I both need it."

Perhaps Kanan most of all.

"Then we'll find some time for you."

She waits a moment, maybe hesitating before asking, but then, "Do you know how long you'll be gone?"

"I'm hoping just a day, maybe two? But I can't guarantee that. Temples can be . . . strange."

That's the best way he can think to put it. It's been a long time, for one.

Hera nods. "Chopper and I could use it to work on the Ghost. And I'm sure Zeb and Sabine wouldn't say no to a day or two of downtime."

"In that case," Kanan says, taking a breath, "I'll talk to Ezra and we'll head out tomorrow? Bright and early, as they say."

"I can let the others know you'll be heading out. Though I don't have to tell them where you're going, yet."

She's not sure if it's the kind of thing that it might better for Ezra, or Kanan, to share after the fact.

"You can just call it training. I -- Ezra might want to talk about it himself, after the fact."

Or, you know. Not. It'll depend on how it goes.

"Then I'll do that."

She leans back in her chair, away from the pilot's console, and again gives him a small smile.

Kanan smiles back, a little tremulously.

"Is it wrong that I feel a little . . . despite knowing this is the right thing, I'm still nervous."

Maybe apprehensive is a better word.

"I'd be a little more worried if you weren't nervous."

At least, that'd be very unlike him.

The shakiness in his smile vanishes, and Kanan almost laughs.

"You'd start thinking I was someone else, huh?"

(It's not as if Kanan hasn't learned he couldn't outrun himself if he tried. These days he doesn't want to anymore. It's a little surprising, but not the bad kind.)

"Maybe," she says, her smile also growing a bit brighter.

"But I think I know you well enough by now that I could tell if anyone'd replaced you."

And as far as she knows even the Empire doesn't have the means to pull something like that.

"You know, that's pretty good to hear."

Kanan reaches out to touch her shoulder for a second, taking comfort in the contact.

He can do this. Probably.

She lifts her hand to touch his.

"I'm sure you could do the same for me."

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